why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!