ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.