I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in