Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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