the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
