it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
