your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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