he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
