Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
