To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
