Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
