so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
not ubering you a puppy
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
