Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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