Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
