i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
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Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
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Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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