so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
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Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
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you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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