I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
