So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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