Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
