My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
