yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
