Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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