Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Randomize
