It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
