I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
