im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
