She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
