I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Sorry about my life...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
