do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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