Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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