I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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