That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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