I can text with my tongue
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
