went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
