At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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