its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I love you. Go after that dick
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
