I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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