Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
