I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
