my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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