It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
