You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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