In the future we'll all be gay
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
