New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
