Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
