so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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