people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize