You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i think my cat just said my name.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
