I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
