How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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