ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
