Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
