I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
