Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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