You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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