There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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