Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
