Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
