my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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