so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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