Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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