big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize