We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
