birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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