It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
