and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize