shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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