I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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