Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
