3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
how can u be prego again
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
