oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
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