APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
