It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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