There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
