i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
