I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
