lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
