I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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