I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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