What did we do last night that was yellow?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
